"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
