did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
