Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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