sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
