Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
