Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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