if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
