it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
