Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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