That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
