at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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