I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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