Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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