I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
