I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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