Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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