Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
