I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
His nipple licking is glorious
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