I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I supernannyed him into submission
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
