Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
All I want is dick and wine.
I wear drunk well.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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