My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
