i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
