dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
