Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
