i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
