yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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