this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
