marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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