His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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