I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
