found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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