I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
