I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
