Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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