i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
