so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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