my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
