Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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