I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
