I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
