What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
