he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
