she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
