high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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