I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
