talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
