I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
