I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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