i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
