I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
