The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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