I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
