remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
