i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
