they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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